Comments on: How have friends helped you in times of grief? http://www.deebrestin.com/2009/07/how-have-friends-helped-you-in-times-of-grief/ Thu, 09 Feb 2012 00:27:18 +0000 hourly 1 By: Dee Brestin http://www.deebrestin.com/2009/07/how-have-friends-helped-you-in-times-of-grief/comment-page-1/#comment-289 Dee Brestin Fri, 07 Aug 2009 12:00:26 +0000 http://www.deebrestin.com/?p=914#comment-289 Amen, Lisa. Amen! Amen, Lisa. Amen!

]]> By: Lisa http://www.deebrestin.com/2009/07/how-have-friends-helped-you-in-times-of-grief/comment-page-1/#comment-270 Lisa Mon, 03 Aug 2009 17:16:31 +0000 http://www.deebrestin.com/?p=914#comment-270 Thank you for your reply Dee, it means a great deal to me that you "see" my heart. :) Our sermon last night was on Envy and it was a reminder to keep my focus on God and not the world. When I get my focus off of Him then I envy what I do not have - a perfect body, a husband, children, close friendships and home of my own. God is enough even if none of those things ever happen this side of heaven. :) Thank you for your reply Dee, it means a great deal to me that you “see” my heart. :) Our sermon last night was on Envy and it was a reminder to keep my focus on God and not the world. When I get my focus off of Him then I envy what I do not have – a perfect body, a husband, children, close friendships and home of my own. God is enough even if none of those things ever happen this side of heaven. :)

]]> By: Dee Brestin http://www.deebrestin.com/2009/07/how-have-friends-helped-you-in-times-of-grief/comment-page-1/#comment-267 Dee Brestin Mon, 03 Aug 2009 11:45:48 +0000 http://www.deebrestin.com/?p=914#comment-267 Lisa -- thank you so much for this personal experience, this mature sharing from your heart. In the great reversal in heaven, we will see more clearly. You remind me of Sara Groves song "Less like scars." How beautiful you have become! Lisa — thank you so much for this personal experience, this mature sharing from your heart. In the great reversal in heaven, we will see more clearly. You remind me of Sara Groves song “Less like scars.” How beautiful you have become!

]]> By: Lisa http://www.deebrestin.com/2009/07/how-have-friends-helped-you-in-times-of-grief/comment-page-1/#comment-225 Lisa Sat, 25 Jul 2009 04:09:45 +0000 http://www.deebrestin.com/?p=914#comment-225 I also recommend that book, Just Enought Light for the Step I'm On by Stormie. I also lost 3 people in my life unexpededly do to sudden deaths - one was my single girlfriend, one was my grandfather who was killed in a car crash and 1 was my Spiritual Mentor (Joanne's husband who has written you a few times about her experiences.) He was an associate pastor in our church and my biggest supporter. He taught me about faith and God's acceptance and how people should model that. I was born w/ a rare skin disorder and many people have prayed for my healing but none more fervent than my parents and my mentor Greg. Being born w/ something and growing up not knowing anything different, it has been hard to desire that healing. Greg showed me that I would still be the same person on the inside and I would still be the same spiritually - but that I would only look different on the outside. God looks at the inner appearance (the heart) but man looks at the outer. Some people cannot accept that I "look" different than the worlds standards, but I trust that God sees my heart and he knows the desires of my heart. That book has helped me as well in dealing with each day as it comes, trusting that He will provide just enough light for the step I am on. Friendships are very difficult for me to accquire b/c of my appearance so that is difficult the older I get. I soon will be 42 and have never dated even. I pray that he will continue to provide that light and bring people into my life that will accept me for who I am on the inside even if I don't look like everyone else on the outside. I also recommend that book, Just Enought Light for the Step I’m On by Stormie. I also lost 3 people in my life unexpededly do to sudden deaths – one was my single girlfriend, one was my grandfather who was killed in a car crash and 1 was my Spiritual Mentor (Joanne’s husband who has written you a few times about her experiences.) He was an associate pastor in our church and my biggest supporter. He taught me about faith and God’s acceptance and how people should model that. I was born w/ a rare skin disorder and many people have prayed for my healing but none more fervent than my parents and my mentor Greg. Being born w/ something and growing up not knowing anything different, it has been hard to desire that healing. Greg showed me that I would still be the same person on the inside and I would still be the same spiritually – but that I would only look different on the outside. God looks at the inner appearance (the heart) but man looks at the outer. Some people cannot accept that I “look” different than the worlds standards, but I trust that God sees my heart and he knows the desires of my heart. That book has helped me as well in dealing with each day as it comes, trusting that He will provide just enough light for the step I am on. Friendships are very difficult for me to accquire b/c of my appearance so that is difficult the older I get. I soon will be 42 and have never dated even. I pray that he will continue to provide that light and bring people into my life that will accept me for who I am on the inside even if I don’t look like everyone else on the outside.

]]> By: Deb Sanders http://www.deebrestin.com/2009/07/how-have-friends-helped-you-in-times-of-grief/comment-page-1/#comment-221 Deb Sanders Thu, 23 Jul 2009 23:56:46 +0000 http://www.deebrestin.com/?p=914#comment-221 I have often thought of that time with you in Iowa and have hoped and prayed that it in some way has brought you some comfort. Today I can look at those early days of grief and see God's hand of comfort and the blessings He poured out to me. It really is an amazing story that I would like to share with you in more detail someday. Thanks for the response. I have often thought of that time with you in Iowa and have hoped and prayed that it in some way has brought you some comfort. Today I can look at those early days of grief and see God’s hand of comfort and the blessings He poured out to me. It really is an amazing story that I would like to share with you in more detail someday. Thanks for the response.

]]> By: Dee Brestin http://www.deebrestin.com/2009/07/how-have-friends-helped-you-in-times-of-grief/comment-page-1/#comment-220 Dee Brestin Thu, 23 Jul 2009 21:44:55 +0000 http://www.deebrestin.com/?p=914#comment-220 Oh Deb. I do remember you. Such a shock to read your letter. Such enormous pain. Your description of your husband grinning and honking his horn wildly is such sweet sorrow. Thanks for sharing so vividly - how to comfort, how to hang on. I'm so sorry. Oh Deb. I do remember you. Such a shock to read your letter. Such enormous pain.
Your description of your husband grinning and honking his horn wildly is such sweet sorrow. Thanks for sharing so vividly – how to comfort, how to hang on. I’m so sorry.

]]> By: Dee Brestin http://www.deebrestin.com/2009/07/how-have-friends-helped-you-in-times-of-grief/comment-page-1/#comment-219 Dee Brestin Thu, 23 Jul 2009 21:41:59 +0000 http://www.deebrestin.com/?p=914#comment-219 Thanks, Joanne. I'll have to get it! I was helped by Jerry Sittser's A Grace Disguised. I know what you mean about grief books that send you reeling. Thanks, Joanne. I’ll have to get it! I was helped by Jerry Sittser’s A Grace Disguised. I know what you mean about grief books that send you reeling.

]]> By: Deb Sanders http://www.deebrestin.com/2009/07/how-have-friends-helped-you-in-times-of-grief/comment-page-1/#comment-218 Deb Sanders Thu, 23 Jul 2009 20:25:29 +0000 http://www.deebrestin.com/?p=914#comment-218 Dee, I have often thought of writing to you in the last few years. You may remember a cancer nurse you met at a conference in Iowa. She told you that no matter what God's answer to your prayer for Steve's healing, you would still be "winners" because Steve would be in God's very presence and you would have the comfort of knowing that you would meet again in heaven. I was not being blase or insensitve to your pain, I had been at the bedside of many men and women who didn't have that same comfort. In November of 2005, on a warm sunny Thanksgiving day, my husband was killed in a train accident, less then 1 mile from our home. Two hours before I had stood on our front porch, waved at him and can still remember the grin on his face, him waving at me and honking his horn wildly. I followed the ambulance down the road to the accident site and was the second vehicle to arrive at the scene. When I seen the parts of my husbands truck, I thought that I might die on the spot. Yet there was an amazing peace as I seen my youngest son, who was in the truck with him, walking toward me. The things that I remeber most about that time, was the friends who one way or the other heard about the accident and left their own Thanksgiving meals and came to my house. The neighbor who arrived at my house as I tried to make the needed phone calls and give instant answers to questions that I had not even really given thought to. She came and engulfed me in her arms and cried with me. I think about that hug today and remember thinking she was literally trying to pour her strength into me. Our friend and Pastor who dropped everything and came to take me to the hospital and arranged everything for me. How when it was time for the visitation, he thoughtfully arranged for each of us to have a bright colored paper and told us that if we were feeling overwhelmed to put the paper in view and he would come and help us get away for a moment alone. The men in the community who showed up the next day to do all the farm chores. One of my fondest memories in that time is the day that some of my nieghbors came and we just sat and talked, they told me stories of things my husband had done over the years to help them out, ways that he had touched their lives. I had plenty of the ones who would tell me things like "God will be your husband now" or "God wasn't in this you know, so don't be angry with Him" or "God has something better for you", but I was blessed to have so many more who carried me in prayer, called me out of the blue, went out of their way to be present for me. This I know it was those who came and gave me their presence that left the greatest impact and brought the greatest comfort. I do remember that at one point I told God that I was amazed at how close He felt and the ease of access that I had to the throne room, and His answer to me was "other keep the door open for you at all times through their prayers for you." In that I learned that even if I can't physically be present I can still be an active participant in their comfort by keeping the throne room door open for them by praying. Thank you for this opportunity to share. In Christ, Deb Dee,
I have often thought of writing to you in the last few years. You may remember a cancer nurse you met at a conference in Iowa. She told you that no matter what God’s answer to your prayer for Steve’s healing, you would still be “winners” because Steve would be in God’s very presence and you would have the comfort of knowing that you would meet again in heaven. I was not being blase or insensitve to your pain, I had been at the bedside of many men and women who didn’t have that same comfort.
In November of 2005, on a warm sunny Thanksgiving day, my husband was killed in a train accident, less then 1 mile from our home. Two hours before I had stood on our front porch, waved at him and can still remember the grin on his face, him waving at me and honking his horn wildly. I followed the ambulance down the road to the accident site and was the second vehicle to arrive at the scene. When I seen the parts of my husbands truck, I thought that I might die on the spot.
Yet there was an amazing peace as I seen my youngest son, who was in the truck with him, walking toward me.
The things that I remeber most about that time, was the friends who one way or the other heard about the accident and left their own Thanksgiving meals and came to my house. The neighbor who arrived at my house as I tried to make the needed phone calls and give instant answers to questions that I had not even really given thought to. She came and engulfed me in her arms and cried with me. I think about that hug today and remember thinking she was literally trying to pour her strength into me. Our friend and Pastor who dropped everything and came to take me to the hospital and arranged everything for me. How when it was time for the visitation, he thoughtfully arranged for each of us to have a bright colored paper and told us that if we were feeling overwhelmed to put the paper in view and he would come and help us get away for a moment alone. The men in the community who showed up the next day to do all the farm chores. One of my fondest memories in that time is the day that some of my nieghbors came and we just sat and talked, they told me stories of things my husband had done over the years to help them out, ways that he had touched their lives.
I had plenty of the ones who would tell me things like “God will be your husband now” or “God wasn’t in this you know, so don’t be angry with Him” or “God has something better for you”, but I was blessed to have so many more who carried me in prayer, called me out of the blue, went out of their way to be present for me. This I know it was those who came and gave me their presence that left the greatest impact and brought the greatest comfort. I do remember that at one point I told God that I was amazed at how close He felt and the ease of access that I had to the throne room, and His answer to me was “other keep the door open for you at all times through their prayers for you.” In that I learned that even if I can’t physically be present I can still be an active participant in their comfort by keeping the throne room door open for them by praying.
Thank you for this opportunity to share. In Christ, Deb

]]> By: Joanne http://www.deebrestin.com/2009/07/how-have-friends-helped-you-in-times-of-grief/comment-page-1/#comment-216 Joanne Thu, 23 Jul 2009 19:20:43 +0000 http://www.deebrestin.com/?p=914#comment-216 I wanted to recommend a book that was a huge help to me when my husband went to be with Jesus just over five years ago. "Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On" by Stormie O'Martian. Most grief books sent my heart reeling but this book reminded me of who God is and that He would indeed be faithful. It was especially helpful in the night when I felt so alone. I've given many of these books away to other grieving friends. Though we may know who God is, at times of grief we need reminded. I heard someone say once, when you don't understand God's hand, trust His heart. I know the heart of God and I know He can be trusted. Isn't it grand to know that amidst the tears He looks at our hearts as well? Time helps but Jesus does the healing. I wanted to recommend a book that was a huge help to me when my husband went to be with Jesus just over five years ago. “Just Enough Light for the Step I’m On” by Stormie O’Martian. Most grief books sent my heart reeling but this book reminded me of who God is and that He would indeed be faithful. It was especially helpful in the night when I felt so alone. I’ve given many of these books away to other grieving friends. Though we may know who God is, at times of grief we need reminded. I heard someone say once, when you don’t understand God’s hand, trust His heart. I know the heart of God and I know He can be trusted. Isn’t it grand to know that amidst the tears He looks at our hearts as well? Time helps but Jesus does the healing.

]]> By: Dee Brestin http://www.deebrestin.com/2009/07/how-have-friends-helped-you-in-times-of-grief/comment-page-1/#comment-215 Dee Brestin Thu, 23 Jul 2009 18:57:59 +0000 http://www.deebrestin.com/?p=914#comment-215 Oh Brenda. I'm so so sorry. So much pain. Yet even in the midst of this engulfing -- ENGULFING pain you are expressing thankfulness for friends and even thankfulness to me. Each day hard. I sang Be Still My Soul -- all verses --- to my soul every night for two years. Love and prayers to you. Oh Brenda. I’m so so sorry. So much pain. Yet even in the midst of this engulfing — ENGULFING pain you are expressing thankfulness for friends and even thankfulness to me.

Each day hard. I sang Be Still My Soul — all verses — to my soul every night for two years.

Love and prayers to you.

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