Are you experiencing pain in a friendship?
I’d love to have this be a place where women can come to get help from their sisters when they are experiencing pain in a friendship. May we learn how to speak the truth in love to each other and truly help each other.
Recently, after a Mid-day radio program on friendship, Remi wrote in sharing her pain and asking for advice. She has been vulnerable, humble, and eager to learn. Most of us have been in her shoes at some time. I asked Remi if she would be willing to share here. I will also share one woman’s response. I invite you into the dialogue. The pain of the demise of a friendship can be akin to a divorce — so be as gentle as if you were working on a sliver! You want to help her get it out, but don’t amputate her hand!
Here is Remi’s letter.
I love the story of Ruth and Naoimi. I love the faithfulness of Ruth and her love for Naoimi. I have a friend who I have been friends with for over 25 years. It’s something when you meet someone, and the Lord “knits your hearts together.” This was the way with my friend. Within my heart, God has placed a love for this friend, which in hard times, and bad times, hasn’t diminished. I know it’s a “gift” from God because it doesn’t go away. The last 5 years or so with my friend has been difficult, and because of circumstances in her life she has withdrawn, which has been painful to me as a friend. I want to withdrawn myself at times, because of my own hurt. But God, has put a love in my heart for this woman, that doesn’t change or diminish. It’s painful, to be sure, because I feel rejected, but then I thought, ya know, I need to get myself out of the way. God, I believe places people in our lives for a reason, and the opposite is true also, we have been placed in others hearts for a reason, who knows but we may be the instruments that God uses to show that other person, unconditional love. (I am not perfect, by any means, and some of the letter you may not understand because of the relationship, but I would like your feedback!) (I also know I am opening myself up for criticism, but your honesty is appreciated.) On that note, I’d like to offer the letter I wrote to my friend:
Dear ,
I don’t understand what is going on with you, how come you never write? And please don’t insult me by saying your “too busy” or “you hate to write.”
It’s funny but I don’t know how to treat you actually.
If you were my sister, I would say – “What’s wrong with you?” “How come you don’t write – what’s going on?”
If you were my mother, I would be deeply wounded, knowing you don’t care enough to write – that I’ve meant so little to you.
As a friend, I’m not sure what type of friend I am. I’m hurt because I thought we were better friends than not. But apparently that is not the case either. That’s hurtful, but I’ll get over it.
But one thing I think I am to you is a sister in Christ. I don’t think things can change that, because it was born of God.
There are many good reasons why I think that God brought you into my life – but the opposite is true also – God knew also that I could be used to bring something into your life. God doesn’t make mistakes, we do.
I want to be found faithful , to carry out the things that God has given me to do, and certainly, God hasn’t made my way hard , painful sometimes, but not hard. It’s getting myself out of the way, that sometimes is difficult.
God has put a love in my heart for you. It doesn’t change or diminish. Alot of time, I wish it would go away because it is painful.
I’m not a stalker, or a stupid person, but I am a gift of God’s love toward you. You can accept it or reject it .
God had a purpose , I am sure of it. He doesn’t make mistakes .
