“With God nothing is impossible.”

My heart is heavy for you in your lament. Hold onto Jesus!
I love the woman in the gospels who has the bleeding disorder, and I can just imagine her, perhaps almost on her hands and knees, fighting through the crowd, thinking “if I can just get hold of the edge of his garment”. I imagine just her thumb and one finger taking hold of just the edge of that cloth - and that was enough - with her faith - to heal her! Sometimes we are just barely holding on, but all the time, Jesus has us securely in His hands.
You wrote in an earlier blog that your son had asked you to help him understand some verses of Scripture. Hold on to this, too. I will keep you and your sons in my prayers, and also that the Lord will bring this woman to a place where she can release her hatred for your son.

How much more, Lord? How much more can I bear? He was sentenced today and the victim said her piece. She is so angry and resentful. Her bitterness pierced my being. This is my son who she hates. I am filled with shame and guilt. What has led us to this? I cried to you Lord … why? Why? Help me to understand. All the way home I cried. My tears were barely dry when the phone call came. Accusations from a loved one about the other son. Long ago he caused unbearable pain, now surfacing in the life of dear one. Why? Why didn’t we know? Where was I when this happened? What was more important that drew me away from mothering? Is there more? How much more, Lord? How much more can I bear?

Yet, You are God. I am not. You spoke a Word and out of the void came Life. You have filled me with your Holy Spirit. You are my Protector. You are my Comforter. You have promised to give me the strength to endure these things. You are my Strength. You gave your Son so that mine might live.

So, God of my Salvation, save these boys. Send your Spirit to heal the wounds they have caused others. Heal my heart, Lord God. Help me remember the joys as we bear these sorrows. Create in me a clean heart, O Lord, and renew a right spirit within me. Thank you for the blessings of grandchildren. Thank you for the blessing of a faithful, loving husband. Thank you for prosperous careers that allow us to have some creature comforts. Thank you for the priveledge of raising two children who no one else wanted. Thank you for good health and a loving family.

Praise to you, Lord of my life, Light in my darkness. Bless your Holy name.

#2. Examples of lament in Dee’s journal

Pale, exhausted, many tears. Wanting to get to Steve. Stopping,
but no room. The rough treatment from the man at the motel in Des
Moines. The unwise words of the two women who “cornered Annie and
told her how their dad died of cancer and how terrible it was.”
Annie fleeing, crouched in a corner, cold and silent as snow.
Dee’s words, “You know I am afraid.” Not being able to think of
a time when she may not be able to hold her husband.

I see many laments in the August 5th entry, how “everyone is too
quiet.” Ominous shapes on the screen. Stricken faces. Dee’s
heart feeling like a block of ice. “The prince of darkness is
on our heels”.

Dee, by your willingness to be so open and transparent as to share such an intensely personal time of lament in your own life, you help to give voice to our laments, too, when we cannot find words to express them. You give us hope to face our own deepest fears and sorrows and to feel that we do not suffer alone. I think that is such an encouragement. Because the enemy always wants to make us feel cut-off and alone and to isolate us in our grief.