Don’t worry, your advice was certainly not unsolicited! I am thankful for the info regarding online classes. I am actually enrolled in one right now, a one-year accounting certificate. My books are on the way and I am excited to get started! If I hadn’t heard about it before, I would have definitely considered it now. :-)

In a couple of years I am also going back to the college I attended and will switch my major from education to journalism (a total God-led move) and get done there too.

The accounting thing gives me something to do right now and will be a great backup plan as accountants are always needed somewhere.

I had to take some deep breaths when reading this because I was reminded of when I was unable to hold a job or stay in school because of too many hospitalizations. Please be encouraged that God is faithful, even if decades are miserable, illnesses are exhausting, or medications seem worse than the problems they are treating.

Lord God, Thank you that you are Tracy’s Mighty Fortress and that you will not fail her. Grant her wisdom and patience regarding her health, and strengthen her body. In Jesus’ Name. Amen

Tracy, Ignore the following if it’s not helpful :) (more unsolicited advice!) If participating in this blog works okay with your health concerns and you like this style of interaction, you might want to consider exploring online college classes if you’d like to finish your degree (however, the “bad news” is that sometimes online classes cost more than face to face ones). Again, PLEASE ignore if not helpful!!

Lord I thank You for leading all of us to this place of healing. May we never fail to give You all the glory and honor due Your Holy Name. And as always thank You for Dee. Help her to find the right publisher for the new study. Give her physical strength as she prepares to travel. I thank You for hearing my cries for ‘sisters’. May we be faithful to bring each other to Your throne of grace. Thank You for giving each one of us the courage to face the reality of the pain in our lives. You are healing. In the Precious Name of our Redeemer. Amen.

All of the discussion on God as Mighty Fortress is meeting my spiritual and emotional needs in unprecedented ways. I am reminded that God is my strength, I don’t have to be perfect at all even though the naggy thoughts that so often fill my mind and stir the pit of my stomach tell me I must be in order to please God.

I, too, am grieving, but in a different way from a lot of people. Nine years ago I was in college and was doing well by God’s grace, thrilled to be using what He gave me to reach for an exciting future. I lived at home because it was easier to do financially, as a lot of people who live in college towns will do to lighten the load. Part of this reason was my chronic asthma, which has debilitated me in life mainly because my dad had been a smoker all of my life and refused to listen to what doctors or my mother warned regarding my health. I’ve also spent many years being both untreated and undertreated because doctors weren’t sure what medications I should take. In 2001, my dad’s parents passed away within eight months of one another and he began to smoke around me so much, without any apparent regard for how much sicker I was becoming, until I was forced to drop of out of school totally. My mom even quit her job to try to get him to stop smoking, but he continued exposing me to smoke regularly for up to eleven months after she came home from work. By this time I was unable to walk across a room and my emotions spiralled down into complete despair because I could not envision how I would be able to have good enough health to return to college and pursue a normal life.

Now it is nine years later. Although my dad finally stopped smoking in the last six months, the damage to my health is extensive. I get winded walking from the car to the parking lot of a store. I feel guilty because I live at home at 33 and can’t work or go to school. I have been seeing an awesome Christian counselor who is helping me deal emotionally. I’ve suffered from anxiety since I was seven, and it was also very much worsened by the loss of morale in coming home from school. There is emotional abuse and even what my counselor calls brainwashing in my background, mainly that I was a bad person, not good enough, and, in my dad’s eyes “crazy” because I enjoy creativity. My counselor has confirmed over and over that there is NOTHING wrong with me or my mind, creativity is a natural gift of God. She is helping me to gain more confidence than I’ve ever been given opportunity to have in my life.

I’ve been very shy to share what has gone on in the last nine years of my life because too often opinionated but uninformed people have given me one of two unsolicited responses. #1: Asthma can’t do that? There’s got to be more! And/Or #2 Just move out! I was then too shy to do much but get away as quickly as possible, trying not to cry. I wish I’d answered them tactfully but with truth. #1 Yes, asthma CAN do that if aggravated this extensively and #2 since I can’t cross a room or do anything physical, how would I maintain a place of my own? Grocery shopping, vaccuuming, dusting, bed-making and earning rent money on a job don’t do themselves! So I think it’s quite a miracle of courage from God for me to share, which I so rarely do.

I am so blessed by my mom. She is the sweetest, most perseverant person I know who is standing beside me through all of this. I pray that God will bless her head to toe because of what she is doing for me.

My constant worry about offending God is an offshoot of the anxiety and demoralization of being unable to finish college. There I kept busy and felt productive. So focusing on how God is my mighty fortress and that Christ is more than enough for me to please Him because I am washed clean in His blood is helping me bit by bit to focus more on Christ than the anxious feelings. Because I’ve been physically idle for so long I get bolts of adrenaline that can lead to panic as I move, which before this study I’ve interpreted as a sure sign that I was doing something ‘wrong’ or the feeling wouldn’t be there. But now my eyes are focusing on Christ. It’s an ongoing battle but I know Who my victor is!

This study also means so much to me because I’ve been unable to go to church since my health went downhill. I get exhausted easily and only go to my counselling appointments and an occasional store afterward. The story Dee related about Sally singing and the pianist finishing for her when she faltered touched me, but didn’t surprise me because that is my church and I know how the kind the people there are day in and day out. I miss Trinity a lot and can’t wait for the day I can go back.

This is much longer than I intended, for that I apologize. I also must thank all of you for helping me feel safe to express my journey and how much this study means to me.

May Christ bless you all, head to toe, beyond your wildest imaginations.

I have always loved Psalm 46. Verse 10 “Be still, and know that I am God, I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth”
When my husband and I were first married and in California in the military we went to Sequoia Natl. Park to see the huge trees and mountains. What beauty! It was a dream come true for us to be there and just feel the majesty of His creation. Early one morning we went down to King’s Valley and there is a place I will never forget. It was
so early there were no other cars as we left the higher elevations for the Valley. Morning mists were rising over a river that ran along the road. We finally came to a spot that we could park. We walked over to a small pond and as we approached a small deer heard us and ran off. As I looked up to the peaks of the mountains above us taking in the trees surrounding us ,the quiet stillnes of the water the King kissed me with His words “Be still and know that I am God…Be still ”
What a gift! Our God who created all of this beauty and majesty of our earth, the God of Jacob, our fortress! This Lord Almighty is with us, always! Though the earth quakes and the mountains fall into the sea Be Still and know that I am God…Be still
My prayers for each of you!!!