Perfume and Incense Bring Joy To The Heart
“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.” (Proverbs 27:9)
Next week we’ll look at Mary’s Magnificat, but let’s slow down and consider this lovely proverb on friendship. This will be a great contemplative exercise.
1. Take the first phrase. What does it say? Why do you think this is true?(What can you learn from science about what fragrance can trigger?)
2. What does the next phrase say? What is “earnest counsel?”
3. How does Elizabeth’s greeting exemplify this proverb?
4. Share a story from your own life that illustrates this proverb.
5. Find just one comment from this blog (any post) that beautifully illustrates this proverb. (In doing this, you will also be living out this proverb!)
Do you remember how you met a kindred spirit friend?
This is Anne and Dianna from Anne of Green Gables — so happy to have found each other. Each time I’ve moved to a new city I’ve asked God to give me a “kindred spirit” friend, someone, as Anne put it, “to whom I can confide my inmost soul.” That means she has to be passionate about Jesus too.
I don’t think you can turn someone into a “kindred spirit” friend — she is instead, a gift from God.
It’s so wonderful when you realize God really cares about our friendships and does hear and answer that longing of our heart. When I went to my first Bible study I was drawn to Patti. She so humbly shared where she was struggling — I remember she laughed and said, “I’m sorry — I know my life sounds like a soap opera.” I loved it that she was so honest. I was holding back — though I was terribly lonely in Seattle, I wasn’t ready to make myself vulnerable. But God did it for me! The faciliator asked us each to share an area were we were hurting — I wasn’t going to do it — but then I began to cry and couldn’t stop!!! Patti invited me to lunch — and we’ve been dear friends for thirty-eight years!
What’s your story?
Are You Experiencing Pain in Friendship?
Are you experiencing pain in a friendship?
How Do We Obey The First Commandment?
Two doesn’t work with little girls, but can with sisters in Christ. And we want you to join us by answering a question:
Right now two of my dearest friends are with me for our yearly re-union. In The Friendships of Women I tell of my jealousy concerning Sylvia (on my left).
Twenty-eight years ago when our family moved to Fargo for a year, I became friends first with Ann (on my right) and then she told me that Sylvia, her best friend from seminary days was moving to town. I thought Sylvia would definitely monopolize Ann and I’d be out in the cold Fargo winter. But though three doesn’t work with little girls, it does work with women who love the Lord because instead of finding strength in each other, we help each other find strength in God.
We laugh (watched New Girl in Town last night – There’s actually a positive role model of a Christian in it! We laughed because Sylvia had moved from Florida to Fargo and could identify), we cry, we pray, we linger over long suppers on the porch, we love each other. We have four whole days to reconnect and to help each other find strength in God. (This picture is from last year’s reunion.).
We began last night sharing what has been on our hearts. Sylvia asked us to reflect on this for this week. She said, “How do we really love God with all our hearts, minds, and souls. What does that look like? So often we go to the second commandment, but concentrating on just the first, what does that look like?”
I know often people would say: Read your Bible, pray – but I think it’s deeper than that.
Can you help us?
How Our Friendships Are Different As Sisters In Christ
I love this picture of a woman worshiping at a retreat I did in New Hampshire. Because of our love relationship with Jesus, it dramatically changes our relationships with one another. Here’s a few illustrations from my life – and we’d all be encouraged to hear yours.
In looking for friends, I am prayerful and alert. I will take a risk based on faith. My first Bible study was a huge risk for me, for I was new to Seattle, didn’t know my Bible, and was so lonely. All I did that day was cry (how embarrassing!) – but two women reached out to me who have remained friends for thirty years. (Patti and Lorinda!)
When Steve died I so missed his spiritual sharpening. I thought about which friends had truly been that for me, and Ann and Sylvia, friends from twenty years before, immediately came to mind. Though we now lived in three different states and basically just kept touch at Christmas, I called and asked if we could rekindle our friendship. They graciously said, “Yes!” At least yearly we get together for three or four days. They are coming to the cabin Monday! (Ann from Fargo, Sylvia from Jacksonville) We have lists of things to talk about: how God has worked in our lives, what we are learning from Him, a discussion of Tim Keller’s Prodigal God and the new first chapter of my new book, and how we want to pray. I can’t wait!!!!!
How about you?
How have you seen the Lord work in your friendships?
Wednesday Moody radio starts airing a ten week Bible Study on The Friendships of Women. Click here starting tomorrow (June 17th) or any following Wednesday to listen live at noon central time. Or click here to listen to past talks online, beginning the day after the show.
I want to hear your stories – how did God lead you to a friend, Strengthen you through a friend, heal a friendship?… I’ll be telling you my stories in the next ten weeks – and trying to answer your questions. Right here!
And before you go, you simply must watch this and see one of the funniest videos I’ve seen showing a woman’s gift for gab – from girlhood on!
I would love to have this be a place where we can gently help each other. Recently Remi wrote with a friendship problem I think we have all experienced. Remi has a humble and teachable heart, so when I asked her if I could post her letter, she vulnerably agreed. When we try to help each other, let’s be as gentle as if we were removing a sliver!
Here’s Remi’s letter:
I have a friend who I have been friends with for over 25 years. It’s something when you meet someone, and the Lord “knits your hearts together.” This was the way with my friend. Within my heart, God has placed a love for this friend, which in hard times, and bad times, hasn’t diminished. I know it’s a “gift” from God because it doesn’t go away. The last 5 years or so with my friend has been difficult, and because of circumstances in her life she has withdrawn, which has been painful to me as a friend. I want to withdrawn myself at times, because of my own hurt. But God, has put a love in my heart for this woman, that doesn’t change or diminish. It’s painful, to be sure, because I feel rejected, but then I thought, ya know, I need to get myself out of the way. God, I believe places people in our lives for a reason, and the opposite is true also, we have been placed in others hearts for a reason, who knows but we may be the instruments that God uses to show that other person, unconditional love. (I am not perfect, by any means, and some of the letter you may not understand because of the relationship, but I would like your feedback!) (I also know I am opening myself up for criticism, but your honesty is appreciated.) On that note, I’d like to offer the letter I wrote to my friend:
Dear ,
I don’t understand what is going on with you, how come you never write? And please don’t insult me by saying your “too busy” or “you hate to write.”
It’s funny but I don’t know how to treat you actually.
If you were my sister, I would say – “What’s wrong with you?” “How come you don’t write – what’s going on?”
If you were my mother, I would be deeply wounded, knowing you don’t care enough to write – that I’ve meant so little to you.
As a friend, I’m not sure what type of friend I am. I’m hurt because I thought we were better friends than not. But apparently that is not the case either. That’s hurtful, but I’ll get over it.
But one thing I think I am to you is a sister in Christ. I don’t think things can change that, because it was born of God.
There are many good reasons why I think that God brought you into my life – but the opposite is true also – God knew also that I could be used to bring something into your life. God doesn’t make mistakes, we do.
I want to be found faithful , to carry out the things that God has given me to do, and certainly, God hasn’t made my way hard , painful sometimes, but not hard. It’s getting myself out of the way, that sometimes is difficult.
God has put a love in my heart for you. It doesn’t change or diminish. Alot of time, I wish it would go away because it is painful.
I’m not a stalker, or a stupid person, but I am a gift of God’s love toward you. You can accept it or reject it .
God had a purpose , I am sure of it. He doesn’t make mistakes .
A Sister in Christ Responds:
This is from FTL, who also gave me permission to post her reply. This originally was on the MId-day Forum from Moody Radio.
08-12-2009 06:56 AM ET (US)
Dear Remi,
May I speak to you from the other side? I am one who has withdrawn after nearly 30 years of friendship. Because of where I am, I am guessing there is a cause why your friend has withdrawn–a cause that she hasn’t felt free to tell you for some reason.
Parts of the letter you posted are good. But other parts made me cringe. I would not feel invited to relationship if I received it. I would feel controlled, and ready to run even farther.
I think Dee’s suggestion of reading the Boundaries book is great. As you do so, lay out your heart before God on what He wants to show you about you. If you pursue relationship later, it would be well to ask questions that would draw out your friend. I think what you really want is to hear her heart. Ask questions that will invite her to share it, but not compel her. If she speaks, then listen. It may be hard to hear. It may be distorted, which can wound deeply. But there may also be hard truths you need to hear.
Hugs and prayers!